Her face was beautiful
without creases,
it met the inevitable,
the enemy.
Her hair was black
like onyx,
it met the inevitable,
the enemy.
Her hands were smooth, strong
without buldging veins or wrinkles,
they met their match,
the enemy.
Her eyes were mesmerizing
big, beautiful, infinite,
they met the enemy,
they lost.
She was the face of exhaustion
her eyes were tired and hair thin,
from the enemy,
aging.
Her time passed.
She was the wife of beauty,
she is divorced.
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This poem was so creative! I like how you have a repetitive theme all throughout. The poem has an air of mystery that pushes you to keep reading until the end of the poem. I liked the idea of making aging an enemy and the apparant struggle with it through the poem. I liked how the title reinforces the ending idea in the poem--that the woman is divorced and is now an "ex" wife. Really cool:). A suggestion that I have is with the introduction of the fact that she is divorced. Though I like how you linked that phrase to the title, it feels like an introduction to a new idea-from fading beauty to failing marriage. You could keep it to the subject of fading beauty,(which you illustrated and depicted beautifully throughout the poem) and not mention the fact that she was divorced and just end with the final statement that "She was the wife of beauty." I believe ending in that manner would be poignant and powerful.
ReplyDeleteLyter, firstly the title is brilliant. With the foreshadowing of an “Ex”, it leads the reader into your poem nicely. One suggestion, I think you have a few stanzas that are not parallel to the others and I think if you wanted to, you could easily make them all the same. For instance, in the fourth and fifth stanzas “met the enemy” is not the last line, but I think it could be. You could easily switch the lines to make met the enemy last, like your other stanzas and say “they lost//they met the enemy” or “Agiing// she met the enemy.” I don’t think the time would be skewed even if you did this. Just a suggestion. Good job!
ReplyDeletemargaret fleming
LyTer,
ReplyDeleteI really like the imagery in this poem. My one thought is that you spell out what the enemy is. The reader gets the hint that the "enemy" is aging so maybe allude to that fact without flat out saying it. Other than that, it's great!
great poem
ReplyDeleteLyTer,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this poem. You had a wonderfully creative concept and you really brought it to life.
The only thing I can say about this poem is... keep it up!
But if I had to change something... add a period instead of a comma at "she was the wife of beauty"