Emory and Aaron are friends on facebook.
Aaron added Emory as a friend a week after he saw her walking by the library. A semester before, in the cafeteria, Aaron and Emory made flirty eye contact during breakfast. Emory returned her plate and pushed the elevator button. Aaron quietly walked up beside Emory and looked at her. Emory looks at him, walks away and takes the stairs.
A semester later Emory confirms Aaron as her friend on facebook.
Aaron: Hi
Emory: Hi?
Aaron: ?
Emory: Lol, hi
Aaron: I’m in class so
Emory: k'bye
Aaron: Don’t be mad if I don’t respond fast.
Aaron: Wait. How are you?
Emory: Well, u?
Aaron: I’m good. What u doing?
Emory: I’m actually at work lol
Aaron: That’s a nice job that requires you to be on facebook lol.
Emory: ha ha, it’s not a requirement, just a perk
Aaron: What do you do at work?
Emory: Nothing much. I just sign ppl in, help ppl, clerical crap.
Aaron: I have a question, do u give people a hard time on purpose, because the
Ladies at the help desk suck, and I think they do it on purpose….?
Emory: What’s up with all the ellipses? Lol
Aaron: wtf is ellipses?
Emory: I learned it in class. Those little dots at the end are called ellipses. These ………….
Are ellipses. You get it…………………..?
Aaron: Stop that lol
Emory: Why…………………? Does this……………………. Bother you………………? Lol….
Aaron: You don’t understand, I read like you type so now there’s all these little dots in my head lol
Emory: Lol they’re called ellipses!
Aaron: They are dots! so do u give people a hard time?
Emory: Nope. Not unless they act or ask stupid questions. I feel like if you come to the office regularly, you should know what’s going on, don’t ask stupid questions
Aaron: Lol
Emory: That you already know the answer to.
Aaron: I like to talk to people in different accents
Emory: Randomness
Aaron: My latest accent is a Jamaican one.
Emory: k
Aaron: You think I’m crazy?
Emory: No, I like you, you make me laugh.
Emory: You’re pretty
Aaron: Thank you, I like me too, and I agree, I'm pretty. Anyone that likes to mess with other peoples heads is ok with me.
Emory: Me too
Aaron: (high tech smiley)
Emory: Omjesus is that a real face? That’s like a step beyond a smiley!
Aaron: yup
Aaron: (another high tech smiley)
Emory: How r u doing this? It’s like u have a manual
Aaron: I just am.
Emory: Stop sounding biblical lol
Aaron: I can show you how………
Emory: There u go with those “dots”
Aaron: I can show you other things too……… (winking smiley)
Emory: Like what? Yeah I just called you on it, like what?
Aaron: I can show u better than I can tell u
Emory: k
_________________________________________________
Emory's friend Jazz pops up and chats with her simultaneously.
Jazz: Hey girl
Emory: Hey. So im talking to this guy on fb chat and he is talking about smiley faces and accents
But I really think he is hitting on me.
Jazz: What’s his name?
Emory: The guy I’ve been telling you about, Aaron
Jazz: ?
Emory: Code name: "secret agent man"
Jazz: Oh yeah, lol. I only know him by his code name
Jazz: What are yall talking about?
Emory: Smiley faces! And accents! I’m gonna copy and paste our convo to u
Jazz: Lol, That’s my girl
_________________________________________________
Aaron: Don’t change the subject with your “k’s”
Aaron: I want to teach you how
Emory: How to what?
Aaron: Make smileys………..
Emory: Why do I need to know how to make smileys?
Aaron: I want to make smileys with you
Emory: Are we talking about actual smileys here or are you alluding to something else
Aaron: Smileys whatever you like
Emory: k
Aaron: Stop that
Emory: You stop talking about smileys
Aaron: I love smileys
Emory: I don’t
Aaron: Yeah right
Emory: Smileys are overrated
Aaron: You just don’t know how to make them right, but I will show you
Aaron: Don’t say anything else Im gonna show you.
Emory: k
Aaron: Okay then
Emory: I have to go, my hour is over.
Aaron: Hey txt me so I can show you (817) 455-9068
Emory: k’bye
Emory goes offline and onto Aaron’s page. She looks at his pictures and sees most of the pictures are of a baby, about a year old. She then proceeds to look at his info and finds that his relationship status is “engaged.” Emory disgustedly deletes him as a friend.
Emory: Soooooo turns out he's engaged and has a daughter, he is soooo outta there.
Jazz: Slut
Emory: Why am I a slut?
Jazz: No he is
Emory: Yeah I know
Emory: He said he wants to teach me things. I think he's already made a smiley with someone.
Jazz: Wtf?
Emory: There I just pasted everything, keep up Jazz.
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LyTer,
ReplyDeleteVery cool idea for a dialogue! It's definitely relatable to everyone in our generation. The converstaion flowed very smoothly and I never found myself bored while reading it. I just have a few suggestions- at the beginning you might want to specify that they are on facebook chat. I assumed that they were but it took me a minute to figure out that they weren't face to face. Also, if she has a nick name for this guy she's probably been interested in him for awhile, so wouldn't she have done her research already and known that he was engaged? Oh and are they in high school or college? Cafeteria sounds like high school but him being engaged and having a baby sounds more like college. Just curious. Great job so far!
LyTer,
ReplyDeleteWhat a different approach towards a dialogue, very appropriate for the technological era we are in now with emails and ichat and instant messenger and facebook etc. COOL idea. I think the story could use some plot thickening, maybe create a longer intro with Emory and Aaron to give the reader more of a real-life idea of the two and their attraction for one another. Funny ending, the twist came unexpected. But, i think if you added some real-life interaction in the beginning, middle, and/or end it would help the reader out since the story is largely over internet. Good Job!
Margaret Fleming
LyTer,
ReplyDeleteThe flow of this was wonderful. I have to admit that you threw me for a loop at the end, but at the same time it made the story incredibly realistic.
I don't know that I would change anything -- rather, I would just like to read more about interactions between the characters. Does Emory call Aaron out on this and if so how does he respond?
Also, what are the characters doing when they are typing these responses to each other? How are they responding to the screen, etc?
Thanks so much for sharing. I really did enjoy this piece.
I liked the idea of the story, I was kinda thrown off my Aaron acted, he kind of acted like a little boy I feel, especially since he is in college. I also think that there is a big time gap in between when they "meet" in the cafateria and a semester later when he asks to be her facebook friend.
ReplyDeletegood story
Hey LyTer!
ReplyDeleteThis is so creative-I loved it! However, I also wondered about how realistic it is that she is talking to this guy who intrigues her and yet she never took the time to peruse through his facebook. Maybe you could describe how/why she didn't have a chance to do so before she and Aaron had this conversation.
Also, I was a bit confused about the way they first meet and how it takes almost six months for them to become friends. It seems that since they are on the same campus, they would have seen each other before and had more than this one conversation-especially since they were making "flirty eye contact." Maybe you could detail more about their relationship or lack thereof outside of facebook.
I was also curious about why she walked away from the elevator when he approached her. That might be worth elaborating as well.
Great job!
haha- this is awesome! I feel like you actually copied and pasted from facebook chat. The returns (going to the next line) is exactly how i write. I was a little bored with their conversation at first and then i realized that most random people you meet on facebook and talk to for the first time are awkward conversations like this. This is very lifelike. Maybe you could add in a convo with the guy and someone else to tie up the ending. Like maybe the baby was his nephew and he was ending the relationship and it was all a misunderstanding. Just an idea! Great job :)
ReplyDeleteLyter,
ReplyDeleteI like that your dialogue was using facebook that we all know so well haha. I thought that the way they were speaking to each other was very realistic; It really seemed like the way people would talk online. I was a little confused, because after the introduction I assumed she didn't really know him, but then during the dialogue I got the impression that they did know each other fairly well. Maybe a little bit of extra background discussing how often they talk or see one another would be helpful. Great dialogue!